Lessons from a Renovation: Why Letting Go of Blame is Key
We were doing a major renovation on our house about 10 years ago. When you start taking apart an old building, you inevitably find issues you were not anticipating. Subsequently, there were more delays and cost overruns than expected. As our move-in date approached, it was obvious we would be moving into a house that was still under construction. While this was frustrating, perhaps the most frustrating aspect of the reno was how most of the trades blamed others as the reason for their delays and missed deadlines - none of this helped us nor was comforting. About a week before move-in, late on a Friday afternoon, I’m meeting with the electrician to discuss what needs to be done to finish the job.
He says, "We’re late because of the drywallers. They won’t return our calls and when they do, it’s so short notice, we can’t just drop everything because of their poor planning." His aggressive tone makes it obvious he is very stressed.
I’m tempted to say, "Not my problem. We’re paying you to complete this job and we’re moving in next week and because of you, we’re moving onto a construction zone. You’re late and you need to fix it now." I think I would be right saying this.
Fortunately, I say, "You know what, at this point we're really not interested in blaming someone. Sure we’d love to be on schedule and not in this jam but why don’t we focus on what needs to happen next. What do you need from us and what do you from any of the other sub-trades so that you can complete everything you need done this weekend ? So that you’re done—completely done."
This catches him off guard but he seems to relax. "I need you to have all the light fixtures here and label them with their location. As for the other trades, we need unobstructed access to the house for the weekend—no other trades here."
"OK, the lights will be here later tonight and I'll call the project manager to ensure the house is yours for the entire weekend."
And on Monday morning, they were done !
The lesson learned here is simple - let go of the need to be right.
It’s one thing to say, "Let go of the need to be right and replace it with the desire to move forward and focus on solutions." However, it is not that easy, especially in the heat of the moment—awareness is a wonderful trait but it is fleeting !
This is where gratitude comes in. We know from research that the more we develop a grateful mindset, the less likely we are to be hooked by negativity, the more value we attach to future outcomes and the more focused we become on achieving those outcomes. As far as letting go of the past and wanting to blame, a grateful frame of mind doesn’t just help you move through these difficult situations, a grateful mindset equips you to deal with the negativity in a positive, constructive, caring manner and not simply gloss over it.
I may sound like a broken record, but here’s my simple suggestion for you and for you to develop within your team,
Cultivate a grateful mindset by making a list of what you’re grateful for - every single day !
This sounds simple and just like being solution-focused, it is not easy—in fact, it’s downright hard ! So if you want support in building a grateful mindset, register for the Daily Gratitudes. Think of The Daily Gratitudes as your very own virtual Gratitude Coach reminding you to step back and make your list and supplying you with inspiring ideas so your gratitude practice doesn’t get stale.
The Daily Gratitudes is brilliant and I hope you take advantage of it. Register for free here - https://www.gratitudeatwork.ca/the-daily-gratitudes/habitual-ritual
