I asked a stupid question and learned an important lesson
Back before you could google the answer to pretty much anything, I used to listen to a science expert who had a weekly spot on a popular radio program. One week he would pose a question (i.e. why does the moon look so big when it’s on the horizon ?), listeners would submit answers and the following week he would reveal the correct answer and a winning listener if there was one.
As a science fan, I really enjoyed the show. I would often make sure I was near a radio just so I wouldn’t miss the science question. Over the years I was hoping to hear a question that had stumped me since childhood. First, you’ll need some context for the question so here goes:
You buy a tub of ice cream, bring it home and put it in the freezer. Over the next few days or maybe it’s a week before you first take the ice cream out of the freezer and scoop up a bowl, but when you do—the ice cream is relatively soft and easy to scoop out. You return the tub of ice cream to the freezer. And then something happens in the darkness of the freezer because the next time you open that tub of ice cream and dip in your scoop, it’s near impossible—the ice cream is hard as rock.
I don’t know if your ice cream experience is similar but it happens to me every single time so the question I longed for the answer is:
“Why is ice cream soft the first time out of the freezer but then hard as a rock any time afterwards ?”
My question never got answered on the show—it was never even asked.
Years later to my delight, an opportunity presented itself ! I was picking up groceries at the supermarket and who do I see in the produce aisle ? It’s him—the science king ! I work up some courage and bolt to the other end of the store. I’m pretty sure I catch him off guard,
“Hi I’m Steve Foran and I love your show. I’ve got a question for you. A question I’ve never been able to figure out. You know when you buy ice cream and then take it home and put it in the freezer ? Here’s the mystery—why is the ice cream soft the first time out of the freezer but then hard as a rock any time afterwards ?”
He stared at me—I didn’t know how to make sense of his expressionless face. “He must be putting together a simple explanation.” I thought.
And without saying a word, he turned, looked down at his grocery list and walked away.
I know it’s a stupid question but nothing, not even an acknowledgement or a “Glad you like the show” ? In the moment, I couldn’t believe it. Whenever I look back on that brief encounter, I wonder if he was dealing with something really heavy that day—I don’t know. I left the store feeling like Ralph Malph back in 1975 when Joanie said to him, “Sit on it Ralph.”
One thing is true for all people—we don’t like being dismissed.
This incident makes me wonder who I’ve dismissed because of the questions they asked, or the way they looked, or because of their weight, age, race, social position, my busyness—the possible reasons go on and on.
More importantly, this incident reminds me that I need to be aware of how I act and how I treat others—at all times.
I believe the surest way to prevent dismissing people is to genuinely care for and love every human being you encounter—and when we talk about “love”, were not referring to romantic love, we mean love of humanity rooted in dignity. The aspirational goal of loving every human is not easy but there’s a secret strategy that paves the way to being a kinder, more caring and more loving human being.
Secret strategy: strengthen your gratitude practice.
Gratitude builds connectedness with others (familial and unknown), strengthens relationships, supports interdependence, levels power distance and nurtures empathy and trust. So just build your gratitude practice and good things follow.
One last thing—when you are asked a stupid question (and it may be this week), please don’t turn and walk away.
