Nurture a mindset for asking the right questions
Recently, I was on a call with a client who was explaining all the reasons why they couldn’t do something their peers were doing because their situation was so different from that of their peers and they didn’t have the time like the others. As I listened, I realized I had heard them use this line many times over the past 18 months.
They repeatedly said they wished they could do it but always had a list of reasons why they couldn’t, so on the call, it finally dawned on me—their mindset was holding them back (although I could be wrong). One thing is for certain, if this type of thinking is showing up in this situation, it’s definitely showing up in other parts of their life.
Anyhow, I care about this person way too much to not say anything, so I ask, “What if that wasn’t true ?”
“What if what wasn’t true ?”, they ask.
“Your belief about why you can’t do it ?”
“I don’t know, good question.” There’s some silence, then we talk for another 5 or 10 minutes, there’s no clear resolution and as we end the call, we agree to talk about it again in a couple weeks. The follow up call hasn’t happened yet, so we’ll see how it goes.
Here’s the thing—I believe comparing never serves us well. Comparing traps us. It generates a mindset that focuses on lack and what you don’t have (time, money, resources, talent, whatever) and prevents you from focusing on what you have. What we really need to do, is ask, “Is this important to me (a morally unselfish me)—does it align with my purpose ?
If the answer is no, simple—don’t do it and the only justification necessary is that it’s not a priority. Do not use the excuse that you don’t have time—this is a cop-out. You have time to do whatever you decide is a priority—I see this with clients who are living life like it’s playground, guilt-free.
If the answer is yes, commit to it, surround yourself with people who’ve done it, find a way to make it happen and do your best.
There’s a trick though.
The trick is to ask yourself the right question (i.e. is this important and on-purpose) and you’re only going to ask the right question if your mindset is rooted in your desire to become the person you aspire to be (vs focusing on others and the resources they are blessed with). The only comparison you should ever make is the one against the person you aspire to be. Asking the right question, requires a special mindset and no surprise, it’s the grateful mindset.
So for you—build your gratitude practice and when you make your gratitude list, pay particular attention to your resources of time, talent, relationships, well-being and finances—these are the gifts that enable you to make a difference in this world with the 24 precious hours you have been given each day.
