One tip to dealing with self-righteousness
Last week I was downtown and parked the car curb-side. The city transitioned from parking meters to a remote-pay type system that runs via an app and pay machines that are located on every block around town.
I loaded two hours and when I returned 90 minutes later I see a parking ticket on my windshield.
The righteous indignation starts to bubble.
I place my ticket stub next to the parking ticket and take a picture with my phone.
“The city is going to hear from me !”
Still somewhat perturbed that it was going to take extra time and effort to get this sorted out, I take a closer read. How much is the ticket ? and what violation am I being charged with ?
In a taxi zone ? “I’m not in a taxi zone !” So now I need a picture of the parking sign on the street. I step off the curb, look up at the parking sign and sure enough, “I’m in a taxi zone. Dang.”
I don’t think much of this for a couple days and then realized this experience was a teachable moment.
Prejudging others who I assume are in the wrong while assuming I am in the right—is a common human tendency, which gets even more exaggerated if the person in the wrong is not in my presence—like the person who issued the parking ticket or like someone at the other end of an email. The more anonymous the other person is, the more likely my indignation is to grow and fester.
The effects are almost always detrimental when you react too quickly.
I believe gratitude is fix for this and had I did a gratitude intervention on myself before I got carried away by my self-righteousness, I would have avoided my ego-fest (fortunately I discovered the truth before acting out). Here’s what my intervention looks like:
Steve, what are you grateful for in this situation ? A few quick thoughts pop to mind:
We have people in the city who monitor parking to ensure fairness - and very likely deal with a lot of abuse through the course of their work
That although I’m sure they make occasional mistakes, they aren’t making them on purpose
That I have the ability to pay a fine if indeed I’m at fault
Tomorrow morning the sun is going to rise - this is not the end of the world
And even if I was in the right, this exercise would help me provide a kinder, more human approach to resolving the issue.
I encourage you to give it a try next time you get a healthy dose of self-righteousness !
And if you have any tips or tricks that work for you when you get self-righteous, please share in the comments.
