How to avoid the “my” trap
Are you a leader who truly values your people?
Then don’t fall into the “my” trap.
When using the word “my”, you are likely either referring to something you possess or something you are in relationship with. For instance, my car is something I possess and my family is something I am in relationship with. It’s pretty clear what I mean in these examples.
However, the situation gets muckier when you step into the workplace. For example, when you say, “My assistant keeps me organized.” or “My sales team delivers results.” or refer to any other person at work connected with “my”, is the underlying connotation associated with the use of “my” rooted in POSSESSION or RELATIONSHIP ? Two people could use the exact same words and each mean something different.
Regardless of what you say, it comes down to how you make sense of your role and the people in your organization ? If you see the people who report to you as possessions and something you control, then you can be guaranteed they feel that way. If you can think of a time when you were on the other side of someone saying “my _________” and you felt inklings like you were their possession; I doubt you felt engaged, motivated and energized to give your best.
I see two factors at work that contribute to seeing people as possessions:
An overarching focus on making a profit or delivering a result or achieving an end result—any end goal for the matter. Ethicists refer to this as the ends justify the means and takes shape in language like, “It’s business and nothing personal.”
The ego tempted by the desire for prestige and status that in society comes with power over people
Your best way to avoid the “my” trap is to see people as human beings that deserve worthy of dignity irrespective of anything else. The big challenge is still language. Because even if you see your assistant as a human first and the intention of your “my” is relational, when your assistant hears you say, “My assistant keeps me organized.”, he or she may not fully understand your intention and think you see them as a possession.
Be aware of your language
Instead of saying, “my _______”, look for new ways to say what you mean.
For the assistant example you could say, “Pat, who works with me, keeps me organized.”, or “Pat, who I work with, keeps me organized.” I would avoid saying, “Pat, who works on my team, keeps me organized.” because it sounds like the team is something that belongs to me.
For the sales team, you could say, “I’m proud to be part of the sales team - it delvers results.” You could also use the word “our” to temper the possessive nature of the sentence, “Our sales team delivers results.”—this connotes a shared ownership and is more relational.
What do you think about this idea or do you even care?
