Belongings are nice but belonging is non-negotiable - especially if you want to live a long life
My pastor gave me a flash of insight into the obvious at church this weekend. He reminded me how important it is that you and I belong and the extent that people will go to in order to feel a sense of belonging - such as joining a gang. There’s nothing new here but his message made me think about the value we attach to belonging and to belongings.
The importance of belonging is highlighted by the results of the longest running study on human longevity. It is being conducted at Harvard and the study is on its third or fourth set of primary researchers. The study has found that strong personal relationships is the key to living a long life. If you’re interested, you can learn more by watching the TED talk about this fascinating study.
In the hundreds of gratitude sessions conducted over the past 13 years, following an exercise where people share what they are grateful for and groups are asked the question, “What did your group talk about?” without exception, they always say, “We talked about the important people in our lives.” Their lists include the usual suspects - family, friends and co-workers. Sometimes they mention their clients or God or a special mentor. The groups never report, “We talked about our belongings.” Never !
It’s no surprise that people are most grateful for the people with whom they belong and not their belongings. However when we ask, “Who are you most likely to take for granted?” You already know the answer, it’s the people with whom we belong - those closest to us. Maybe this is why his Sunday sermon made me rethink the importance of belonging vs belongings. I’m not really sure.
From the research we know that gratitude enhances social connections - the exact mechanism that Harvard researchers believe leads to a long fulfilling life, so over this next week, I’m making two commitments:
my daily gratitude list will include a focus on the people with whom I belong
I will intentionally reach out to one person each day and let them know who important they are to me and that I value our mutual belonging
What do you commit to do? Please let me know and how it goes for you.
